Many of us have two selves — one that is actual and another that we fantasise about. We can desire to be slimmer, fairer, richer, and so forth — things we are not.

It is indeed good to keep improving and growing into better versions of ourselves. However, if we forget the distinction between what is actual and what is illusory or what is practical and what is unattainable then all our efforts will only drain our energy, time, and happiness.

Our struggle to be someone that we are not meant to be is a pathology, projection, fantasy, and a chase of our shadow. Chasing our shadow will meet continuous disappointments because reality keeps showing us the truth of ourselves. Our regress pursuit of searching for our grandiose self can keep us chasing our shadow and make us forget to embrace our true self.

It is a huge tragedy that we can ignore to connect with our true self and live our lives always seeking to be someone else in fantasy.

Can we be kind enough to acknowledge and honor who we are, right now? The question we can ask ourselves is: “What if nothing changes — my looks, my weight, my health, my success — would I accept and love myself unconditionally?”[1]

Answering ‘yes’ to this question can change our life. Peace and contentment are found in connecting and embracing our true self and not in chasing our imaginary self that lies in fantasy, in some uncertain future. We can find peace and happiness now. We do not have to become someone or wait for the future for something to happen.

Peace lies in the now and not in the future. If we can find peace in the now, then we can hope to have it in the future too. We need to stop chasing our shadow and connect, embrace, and honor our true self, here and now.

Embracing and celebrating our true self can lead to genuine peace and contentment.

[1] Davis, V. in Brown B. (2017). Braving the Wilderness. Random House.